At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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