Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
