Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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