no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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