Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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