My hand turned me down
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
