Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
