Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
