this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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