I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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