If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
