Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
