I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
