i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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