I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
