the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize