I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
