The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
