So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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