Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
