I must be too annoying 4 u.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
