Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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