You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
