I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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