so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
