I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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