dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
