My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
