She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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