I wish my penis had an off switch
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
