Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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