your parents love me but you hate me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
