The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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