Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
