quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
