Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
