Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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