I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
