kristin has been a bad kristin
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
