i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
