One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
