i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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