Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
