Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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