I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have feelings that need drinking.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
