Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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