So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
