My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
