Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
