My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
