i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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