You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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