i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
