After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
