Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
