I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
