She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
