I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
