is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
