Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
