I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
