The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
