I heard we made out
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
