I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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