My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
