In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
