doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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