I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
