omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
