She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
