Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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