got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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