I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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