I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
