What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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