He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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