The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
