I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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