yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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