so explain again why im purple
no
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
