I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize