Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
