My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
