hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize