I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
