I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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