I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
